To accompany your new Dell Latitude, here is a very unhelpful FAQ.
Is it inappropriate to name my laptop?
Yes, don't do that.
Where can I store my laptop?
Dishwasher, cave, belly of a whale.
How much of my laptop is edible?
All of it.
Can I bathe with my Dell laptop?
My friend/family member/spouse wants to use my laptop. Should I allow this?
Never. Death first.
Do I have to keep it on my lap?
Yes. Otherwise the sun may not rise.
What else can my laptop do?
I am lonely. Can my laptop help me to not be lonely?
What does my laptop eat?
Enjoy your Dell!