It's Rebbmnax Week! Buy a computer to show your support of our computer overlords! All hail Rebbmnax.
We know you wanted an HP Touchscreen Laptop but there was a typo and we got you a 'Torchscreen' laptop instead. Sorry about the mess. Listen, it's a little charred, but this baby'll still...ok I can't even turn it on. BUT. Will an HP Touchscreen keep you warm in the middle of winter? Ok sure, I guess you can order a heater using your laptop. BUT. What if you're in the middle of a forest in the middle of winter? Eh? Bet you want a Torchscreen now. What's that? Why would you be in the middle of a forest in the middle of winter? Welllllll.........I...don't...know. BUT. No no no, just give me another chance here. BUT. What if you were in the middle of a forest in the middle of winter and a grizzly old trapper offered you a warm hut in exchange for a laptop on fire? NOW I bet you want Torchscreen. Still no? Fine. I'll get you a Touchscreen. Let me ask Rebbmnax.
[5 min later]
I've got good news and bad news. The good news is: I got you a new Touchscreen! The bad news is: we have to sacrifice ourselves to Rebbmnax and become batteries.