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ceagee


quality posts: 67 Private Messages ceagee
daveinwarshington wrote:.

The person below me carefully irons and folds all of their paper money.



I have to be careful using vending machines though. The starch really jams them up.

The person below me plays pinball for a living.

JayMatt19


quality posts: 11 Private Messages JayMatt19
ceagee wrote:I have to be careful using vending machines though. The starch really jams them up.

The person below me plays pinball for a living.



Well I did, until the machine TILTED and it shut down my game, I became disqualified and was later suspended.

The person below me wants to make yellow snow in Miami in July

daveinwarshington


quality posts: 100 Private Messages daveinwarshington
JayMatt19 wrote:Well I did, until the machine TILTED and it shut down my game, I became disqualified and was later suspended.

The person below me wants to make yellow snow in Miami in July


Yes. I have no idea why, it just seems like a great goal in my life. We all need goals.

The person below me avoids going outside, in case some space debris falls and smashes them.

JayMatt19


quality posts: 11 Private Messages JayMatt19
daveinwarshington wrote:Yes. I have no idea why, it just seems like a great goal in my life. We all need goals.

The person below me avoids going outside, in case some space debris falls and smashes them.



I don't know why people mock me for it. It happened to my Uncle Earl and he hasn't been the same since. He says it happened after a night drinking Vodka.

The person below me calls the Operator just cause they feel that Operators are bored now that people look everything up on the internet.

Xexus


quality posts: 6 Private Messages Xexus
JayMatt19 wrote:The person below me calls the Operator just cause they feel that Operators are bored now that people look everything up on the internet.



Until one blamed my calling in for getting killed in an online game. Later the MayTag repairman called and said "Thanks".

The person below me searches the nighttime skies looking for illegal aliens.

Signature censored by Woot

moles1138


quality posts: 49 Private Messages moles1138
Xexus wrote:Until one blamed my calling in for getting killed in an online game. Later the MayTag repairman called and said "Thanks".

The person below me searches the nighttime skies looking for illegal aliens.



I used to until...you know...the probe.

The person below me has detachable fingers.

JDSardone


quality posts: 25 Private Messages JDSardone
moles1138 wrote:I used to until...you know...the probe.

The person below me has detachable fingers.



Well after going through like 2,187 keyboard F5 keys here at woot.com, My fingers were just worn out, so I hopped in my time mach... er um CAR and went to the fut.. eh Walmart and had my hands upgraded. Now if a finger wears out, just replace it...

The person below me sells imaginary oatmeal through etsy...

JayMatt19


quality posts: 11 Private Messages JayMatt19
JDSardone wrote:Well after going through like 2,187 keyboard F5 keys here at woot.com, My fingers were just worn out, so I hopped in my time mach... er um CAR and went to the fut.. eh Walmart and had my hands upgraded. Now if a finger wears out, just replace it...

The person below me sells imaginary oatmeal through etsy...



Sales were good when I offered free shipping, but then I had to charge shipping. Do you know how much it costs to ship imaginary oatmeal? It nearly bankrupt me!

The person below me has a faulty keyboard, when you press a key, it types it twice

daveinwarshington


quality posts: 100 Private Messages daveinwarshington
JayMatt19 wrote:Sales were good when I offered free shipping, but then I had to charge shipping. Do you know how much it costs to ship imaginary oatmeal? It nearly bankrupt me!

The person below me has a faulty keyboard, when you press a key, it types it twice


YYeess,, IItt ccaann bbee aa pprroobblleemm wwiitthh lloonngg wwoorrddss lliikkee MMiissssiissssiippppii oorr aannttiiddiisseessttaabblliisshhmmeennttaarriiaanniissmm ((wwhhiicchh II uussee aa lloott))..
II ttrriieedd oorrddeerriinngg aa nneeww kkeeyybbooaarrdd oonn--lliinnee,, bbuutt iitt hhaass bbeeeenn ddiiffffiiccuulltt..

The person below me always has dog & cat treats with them, in case it starts raining like cats & dogs outside.

JayMatt19


quality posts: 11 Private Messages JayMatt19
daveinwarshington wrote:YYeess,, IItt ccaann bbee aa pprroobblleemm wwiitthh lloonngg wwoorrddss lliikkee MMiissssiippppii oorr aannttiiddiisseessttaabblliisshhmmeennttaarriiaanniissmm ((wwhhiicchh II uussee aa lloott))..
II ttrriieedd oorrddeerriinngg aa nneeww kkeeyybbooaarrdd oonn--lliinnee,, bbuutt iitt hhaass bbeeeenn ddiiffffiiccuulltt..

The person below me always has dog & cat treats with them, in case it starts raining like cats & dogs outside.



I sure love eating those dog treats and cat treats. Well, actually i don't. But it sure beats driving in the rain and the treats have a pretty long shelf life.

The person below me once hired a 300lb female escort, for the sole purpose of having a pillow fight.

mick52


quality posts: 25 Private Messages mick52
JayMatt19 wrote:I sure love eating those dog treats and cat treats. Well, actually i don't. But it sure beats driving in the rain and the treats have a pretty long shelf life.

The person below me once hired a 300lb female escort, for the sole purpose of having a pillow fight.



i only paid her to powerwash my house!! she did a great job, highly recommend!! the pillow fight was for free.......

the person below me, thinks, in their before this life, they were a poor peasant....





JayMatt19


quality posts: 11 Private Messages JayMatt19
mick52 wrote:i only paid her to powerwash my house!! she did a great job, highly recommend!! the pillow fight was for free.......

the person below me, thinks, in their before this life, they were a poor peasant....



And in the life before that I was a soldier under General Washington. I died from hypothermia.

The person below can correctly predict the numbers of the 1st Powerball drawing every month, before the drawing takes place. but only 15 min after ticket sales stop.

JDSardone


quality posts: 25 Private Messages JDSardone
JayMatt19 wrote:And in the life before that I was a soldier under General Washington. I died from hypothermia.

The person below can correctly predict the numbers of the 1st Powerball drawing every month, before the drawing takes place. but only 15 min after ticket sales stop.



Its a really complex algorithm to figure out the numbers which involves a full lunar phase cycle, a calendar page shredded up in a blender,(which is why it can only be done once a month) and a cat taped securely to a lawn sprinkler.

The person below me once successfully inhabited Mars, but ET, Mac, Paul, and Yoda ganged up and kicked them off the planet...


on a side note...

JayMatt19 wrote:The person below me has a faulty keyboard, when you press a key, it types it twice


I once got a fortune cookie that said "ssoorrrryy dduupplleexx ttuurrnneedd oonn.."

JayMatt19


quality posts: 11 Private Messages JayMatt19
JDSardone wrote:The person below me once successfully inhabited Mars, but ET, Mac, Paul, and Yoda ganged up and kicked them off the planet...



That's true. But I also discovered that Mars is neither the land of Spirit, nor Opportunity (some might need to google that reference).

The person below me watches the "Girls Gone Wild" video daily. But he watches them in reverse, cause (as he puts it) "It makes it seem like the girls all learned their lesson"

drewdavis68


quality posts: 0 Private Messages drewdavis68
JayMatt19 wrote:

The person below me watches the "Girls Gone Wild" video daily. But he watches them in reverse, cause (as he puts it) "It makes it seem like the girls all learned their lesson"



So! What sort of man doesnt'?

The person below me was once above me. However, they have found their place in life!

Drew

daveinwarshington


quality posts: 100 Private Messages daveinwarshington
drewdavis68 wrote:

I'm also up here...

The person below me was once above me. However, they have found their place in life!



Actually, I'm now above & below you. Watch Out!

The person below me uses carbon paper in their printer to make two copies of something.

mick52


quality posts: 25 Private Messages mick52
daveinwarshington wrote:Actually, I'm now above & below you. Watch Out!

The person below me uses carbon paper in their printer to make two copies of something.



do they even make carbon paper any more??? i do however, press the number 2 on the printing machine... so i have a copy.... umm, for my secret files.......

the person below me, has a pair of Blue Suede Shoes, that they only wear .. to the local tavern every week... on dancing fridays!!!!!!!!





JDSardone


quality posts: 25 Private Messages JDSardone
mick52 wrote:do they even make carbon paper any more??? i do however, press the number 2 on the printing machine... so i have a copy.... umm, for my secret files.......

the person below me, has a pair of Blue Suede Shoes, that they only wear .. to the local tavern every week... on dancing fridays!!!!!!!!



Used to... until they got rid of Fridays and replaced them with another monday... Now when I look at my blue suade shoes I just feel... blue

The person below me believes that colors are a figment of our imaginations, squirrels rule the universe, and that you can divide by zero(everyone else has just been doing it wrong)

mick52


quality posts: 25 Private Messages mick52
JDSardone wrote:Used to... until they got rid of Fridays and replaced them with another monday... Now when I look at my blue suade shoes I just feel... blue

The person below me believes that colors are a figment of our imaginations, squirrels rule the universe, and that you can divide by zero(everyone else has just been doing it wrong)



you can always divide by zero, to make sure you got your original number right.... duh... and the whole world already knows, green squirrels, do indeed, rule the universe!!!!!



the person below me, has used so much of that fakey suntan colored lotion. that they are just plain neon orange colored now....





JayMatt19


quality posts: 11 Private Messages JayMatt19
mick52 wrote:you can always divide by zero, to make sure you got your original number right.... duh... and the whole world already knows, green squirrels, do indeed, rule the universe!!!!!



the person below me, has used so much of that fakey suntan colored lotion. that they are just plain neon orange colored now....



You forgot to mention that I also glow in the dark.

The person below me has five different ways to order pizza via delivery and never need to pay

mick52


quality posts: 25 Private Messages mick52
JayMatt19 wrote:You forgot to mention that I also glow in the dark.

The person below me has five different ways to order pizza via delivery and never need to pay



this is backwards... my kid works at at a pizza joint. so i have 1 way to order 5 pizzas via delivery and never need to pay.....

the person below me , went to the pet store today and bought a gecko and crickets. was so excited about this gecko told everyone that they were naming the gecko SPIKE! and upon leaving the store screamed for everyone to hear, "I am so Psyched for Spike!!!!!"





JDSardone


quality posts: 25 Private Messages JDSardone
mick52 wrote:this is backwards... my kid works at at a pizza joint. so i have 1 way to order 5 pizzas via delivery and never need to pay.....

the person below me , went to the pet store today and bought a gecko and crickets. was so excited about this gecko told everyone that they were naming the gecko SPIKE! and upon leaving the store screamed for everyone to hear, "I am so Psyched for Spike!!!!!"



I was so excited for Spike... then the crickets ate him... I was so confused, then I realized I got "Carnivorous Mutant Crickets" so I released them to the wild... they seem to be doing well, although my neighbors don't seem to like them...

The person below me has their name on the Missing persons list seven times, but they haven't even been found once...

daveinwarshington


quality posts: 100 Private Messages daveinwarshington
JDSardone wrote:
The person below me has their name on the Missing persons list seven times, but they haven't even been found once...



Even when I find my picture on a milk carton, they still just can't find me!
I'm right HERE!

The person below me wears a shock collar to keep themselves away from the cookie jar at night.

JDSardone


quality posts: 25 Private Messages JDSardone
daveinwarshington wrote:Even when I find my picture on a milk carton, they still just can't find me!
I'm right HERE!

The person below me wears a shock collar to keep themselves away from the cookie jar at night.



Well have you seen Chronicles of Narnia? well that wardrobe is a pretty accurate description of my cookie jar. Its a doorway to Wootless-landia, a terrifying place you don't want to get lost in. So until I can cast this cookie jar into mount doom, I'm using the shock collar.

The person below me visited the future and confirmed that the iPhone 37 is no different than the iPhone 7 except it has apple's 15th version of custom charging cable as they still refuse to us a micro USB

JayMatt19


quality posts: 11 Private Messages JayMatt19
JDSardone wrote:Well have you seen Chronicles of Narnia? well that wardrobe is a pretty accurate description of my cookie jar. Its a doorway to Wootless-landia, a terrifying place you don't want to get lost in. So until I can cast this cookie jar into mount doom, I'm using the shock collar.

The person below me visited the future and confirmed that the iPhone 37 is no different than the iPhone 7 except it has apple's 15th version of custom charging cable as they still refuse to us a micro USB



Ya. Apple claims they are going for a retro feel with their newest phone. But as we all learned with the iPhone 34, apple makes its money in the chargers, not the phone.
In fact, their business model is give the razor, sell the blade. (This used to work for printers until Sony Printer Powder killed that business model)

The person below me thinks that WWE is real and the NBA is scripted.

daveinwarshington


quality posts: 100 Private Messages daveinwarshington
JayMatt19 wrote:Ya. Apple claims they are going for a retro feel with their newest phone. But as we all learned with the iPhone 34, apple makes its money in the chargers, not the phone.
In fact, their business model is give the razor, sell the blade. (This used to work for printers until Sony Printer Powder killed that business model)

The person below me thinks that WWE is real and the NBA is scripted.


Yup.
That's because the WWE IS REAL and the NBA has all been scripted!!!

The person below me thinks the moon is made of cheese, and only mice have landed on the moon.

mick52


quality posts: 25 Private Messages mick52
daveinwarshington wrote:Yup.
That's because the WWE IS REAL and the NBA has all been scripted!!!

The person below me thinks the moon is made of cheese, and only mice have landed on the moon.



no, i don't.... monkeys have only been to the moon... everybody knows that!! i do however, love a sharp cheddar!!!!

the person below me, leaves their dirty, nasty dishes in the sink for days....





diducmeb4


quality posts: 3 Private Messages diducmeb4
mick52 wrote:no, i don't.... monkeys have only been to the moon... everybody knows that!! i do however, love a sharp cheddar!!!!

the person below me, leaves their dirty, nasty dishes in the sink for days....



Dishes are like clothes ... why wash them because you're only going to get them dirty again.

The person below me said they can't drive 55 but is always in the fast lane doing 45.

daveinwarshington


quality posts: 100 Private Messages daveinwarshington
diducmeb4 wrote:Dishes are like clothes ... why wash them because you're only going to get them dirty again.

The person below me said they can't drive 55 but is always in the fast lane doing 45.


45 is plenty fast enough for the fast lane. Of course, I go 70 in the slow lane!

The person below me keeps all of their money in their sock-drawer because banks can't be trusted.

JDSardone


quality posts: 25 Private Messages JDSardone
daveinwarshington wrote:45 is plenty fast enough for the fast lane. Of course, I go 70 in the slow lane!

The person below me keeps all of their money in their sock-drawer because banks can't be trusted.



Thats because Banks, by definition, are Bad And Nefarious Kleptomaniactic Swindlers

The person below me owns 365 ink stamps which they love to show off, one per day... on their forehead.

JayMatt19


quality posts: 11 Private Messages JayMatt19
JDSardone wrote:Thats because Banks, by definition, are Bad And Nefarious Kleptomaniactic Swindlers

The person below me owns 365 ink stamps which they love to show off, one per day... on their forehead.



Feb 29th was such a sad day. I was stampless. People complimented me but I felt so naked.

The person below me is a member of the NY Polar Bears Club.

daveinwarshington


quality posts: 100 Private Messages daveinwarshington
JayMatt19 wrote:Feb 29th was such a sad day. I was stampless. People complimented me but I felt so naked.

The person below me is a member of the NY Polar Bears Club.


I thought it was a great idea. Then I found out that I had to run around naked in the Polar Bear exhibit at the zoo.

The person below me is terrified of catching 'Cat scratch fever'.

JDSardone


quality posts: 25 Private Messages JDSardone
daveinwarshington wrote:I thought it was a great idea. Then I found out that I had to run around naked in the Polar Bear exhibit at the zoo.

The person below me is terrified of catching 'Cat scratch fever'.



I said I was terrified of CSF...
which is Cerebro Spinal Fluid not Cat Scratch Fever...
Seriously though brain/spine juice!!! EEEKKKK!!!

The person below me taught Chuck Norris how to round house kick, and says that Chuck still doesn't do it right.

dmwhome


quality posts: 0 Private Messages dmwhome
JDSardone wrote:I said I was terrified of CSF...
which is Cerebro Spinal Fluid not Cat Scratch Fever...
Seriously though brain/spine juice!!! EEEKKKK!!!

The person below me taught Chuck Norris how to round house kick, and says that Chuck still doesn't do it right.



One of those is a false statement!

The person below me has no idea how to eat an Oreo correctly,

JayMatt19


quality posts: 11 Private Messages JayMatt19
dmwhome wrote:One of those is a false statement!

The person below me has no idea how to eat an Oreo correctly,



It was something they never taught me in school. Good thing there is no wrong way to eat a Reece's.

The person below me only eats microwaved food

daveinwarshington


quality posts: 100 Private Messages daveinwarshington
JayMatt19 wrote:It was something they never taught me in school. Good thing there is no wrong way to eat a Reece's.

The person below me only eats microwaved food


That's because the microwaves stay in the food after cooking, helping to deflect powerful brain-sucking ray guns that the Martians use on humans every day.

The person below me still isn't sure if Martians are sucking our brains out with their ray-guns.

JayMatt19


quality posts: 11 Private Messages JayMatt19
daveinwarshington wrote:That's because the microwaves stay in the food after cooking, helping to deflect powerful brain-sucking ray guns that the Martians use on humans every day.

The person below me still isn't sure if Martians are sucking our brains out with their ray-guns.



That alians are sucking our brains out with their ray-guns I'm sure of. I question whether they are Martians or from a planet outside our solar system.

The person below me is in negotiations with 20th Century Fox about making a Donut Store named after Homer Simpson

JDSardone


quality posts: 25 Private Messages JDSardone
JayMatt19 wrote:That alians are sucking our brains out with their ray-guns I'm sure of. I question whether they are Martians or from a planet outside our solar system.

The person below me is in negotiations with 20th Century Fox about making a Donut Store named after Homer Simpson



Well the Sign was going to have "Homer's Nuts" written on it, and below it a picture of Bart kicking Homer... well you know where.... and Homer would be yelling "Doh" with the chat bubble perfectly placed between "Homer's" and "Nuts"

The person below me can owns seventeen and a half seafood restaurants, but is so allergic to shellfish that they only enter their restaurants by quarantining themselves by wearing a full deep sea diving suit.

JayMatt19


quality posts: 11 Private Messages JayMatt19
JDSardone wrote:Well the Sign was going to have "Homer's Nuts" written on it, and below it a picture of Bart kicking Homer... well you know where.... and Homer would be yelling "Doh" with the chat bubble perfectly placed between "Homer's" and "Nuts"

The person below me can owns seventeen and a half seafood restaurants, but is so allergic to shellfish that they only enter their restaurants by quarantining themselves by wearing a full deep sea diving suit.



First of all, it is 17 and 3/4 seafood restaurants (the 3/4 store is a cart outside the open market, closed on weekends)
Secondly, I don't have the issue when going into the kosher store as there is no shellfish sold there.
Thirdly, we don't sell shellfish in the restaurant named "Who you calling Shellfish?". Which is kinda ironic.

The person below me gets EXTREMELY upset that the words IRONIC and AWFUL arent used they way they were initially defined.

daveinwarshington


quality posts: 100 Private Messages daveinwarshington
JayMatt19 wrote:First of all, it is 17 and 3/4 seafood restaurants (the 3/4 store is a cart outside the open market, closed on weekends)
Secondly, I don't have the issue when going into the kosher store as there is no shellfish sold there.
Thirdly, we don't sell shellfish in the restaurant named "Who you calling Shellfish?". Which is kinda ironic.

The person below me gets EXTREMELY upset that the words IRONIC and AWFUL arent used they way they were initially defined.


I'm so mad right now. My shirts are wrinkled and need to be ironic. The trouble is... I have more laundry to wash and the washer machine is awful of clothes already!!! Why can't people just talk rightly and understandurbly?

The person below me is not going to eat, drink or sleep until they get a Bucket O Crabapples from woot.