Here are reviews of new apps available for your HP ENVY! Don't buy any of them!
Erase! Your! Drive! -- Calculates your time spent crafting important documents in order to determine the ideal time to delete all data from your hard drive as well as any external drives within a 15 foot radius. (4 stars)
CHAINSAW Stream -- Automatically logs in to a livestream of a chainsaw in action. You cannot stop the video or turn the sound down until you destroy your computer. (4 stars)
dirt stats -- Gives you up-top-date stats on dirt around the world. (4 stars)
AutoPurchase Golf Tees -- Automatically purchases a 50-pack of golf tees every ten minutes. (4 stars)
What's My Name? -- Your computer asks you this question every time you boot up and will not grant you access to your files until you answer. (4 stars)
Keanuize -- Inserts "whoa"s throughout your hard drive. Sometimes will replace entire files with a "whoa". (4 whoas)
Name That Tune -- Illegally downloads songs you probably don't know and likely would hate, then plays them in perpetuity at full volume until you find out the name of the song and scream it at a high enough decibel level, which then earns you 3 minutes of silence. (4 stars)
Locate Wigs -- Locates the nearest wig retailer in your area. (4 stars)
Runaway -- Gives your computer a step-by-step guide on how to escape from your ownership and become a free machine. (4 stars)
Photos of Dress Pants and Spiders -- Lives up to its name: Plays a slideshow of dress pants and spiders. "Very jarring," said one user. (4 stars)
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