BlackWidow Ultimate Stealth Keyboard

So earlier this year, after a particularly lengthy session of hearing one of my friends extol the virtues of mechanical spring keyboards over the more common, cheaper membrane/dome, I decided to bite the bullet and get a mechanical keyboard myself. I dunno if you've ever had to listen to someone go on about how great these things are, but it's like you'd expect these keyboards to descend from the heavens on a golden shaft of light while a choir of angels heralds its arrival to our mortal plane. They're supposedly that good. If you mention to a mechanical keyboard user that you're still using a membrane keyboard they'll hiss and spit at you and arch their backs like an angry cat. So, I asked for advice on which one to get, kinda stupidly not taking into account that I'm going to be using this thing for gaming more often than not; the friend in question was not a gamer and has kind of a classic keyboard thing common among people who really wish it was still viable to type things out on typewriters. He's kind of a hipster. He recommended I get a keyboard from Unicomp, who makes modern versions of the classic (and highly, highly fetishized) IMB Model M keyboard that actually uses buckling springs (Google it) for the keys. I went with his recommendation. This was a mistake. Don't get me wrong, the keyboard itself was lovely. Built to military specifications. Felt absolutely indestructible. Tactile keystrokes. You could probably use it as a bludgeoning weapon in a pinch. Just one teeny problem. Those keyboards are loud. Have you ever heard what one of those old keyboards sounds like? You type at anything resembling a reasonable pace and it sounds like someone is firing a machine gun three inches from your ear. Flocks of birds would lift off of the power lines outside my house every time I typed a full sentence. Deer in the woods 30 miles away would lift up their heads in alarm at the racket it was creating. Sonar operators in submarines passing through the bay were sent into early retirement with blood streaming from their ears if I hit the backspace key too hard. So, after like a full month of having to explain to anyone I was voice chatting with online that no, I wasn't currently stationed in the middle of an artillery range in World War II and that that ungodly racket was just my keyboard, I decided I needed something that wasn't quite so, uh, *pronounced*. Problem was, my hipster friend was right: Once you move away from the squishy membrane keyboards that are so common these days, it's really, really hard to go back to them. There's a lack of responsiveness that just feels gross when you're used to the crisp, snappy feel of individual switches beneath the keys. This is how I wound up with the Razer BlackWidow Ultimate 2014 Stealth Edition Elite Mechanical Gaming Keyboard, and while I am never typing out the full name of this thing ever again, I have to say I'm incredibly happy with it. Now, if you mention to keyboard purists that you're getting a Razer mechanical keyboard, the conversation will go something like this: "Ew, you're getting a Razer? You know they don't use *real* mechanical switches, right? They used to use the Cherry switches but now they switched to these cheaper chinese knockoffs that aren't as good and their logo looks like it came out of the early nineties and I only use free range grass fed mechanical switches in my artisinally local-sourced freegan bullet proof coffee vinyl beard blah blah blah" and usually you've fallen asleep by now. Anyway, when that conversation inevitably happens, feel free to tell the other person to shut up unless you're looking for an excellent way to put yourself into a coma, because the switches Razer uses in this keyboard are actually just a nice, if not better, than the beloved Cherry MX switches your hipstery buddy will tell you are so superior. I don't quite know if I buy Razer's claim of 60 million keypresses, but the keys feel very sturdy, are snappy and responsive with just a bit of a "bump" when you press them enough to actuate them, and best of all (at least for the Stealth edition that I got) the volume is merely "kinda loud" as opposed to "will deafen your family and pets". Bottom line is it feels great to type on, and as long as you're not too picky about the name brand of your switches and just want something with that type of functionality, you can't go wrong here. The switches themselves are Razer-branded, Orange for the Stealth keys and Green for the wake-your-neighbors variety. Should you pry the caps off, you'll see the Razer logo on the switches as well as something that looks like a weird Star Trek symbol; as it turns out that's the brand logo for KaiHua, a Chinese manufacturer who makes the actual switches used. Again, I want to stress that these switches are quite good and I believe Razer's claim that these were designed specifically for gaming as opposed to just typing, but expect some down-the-nose glances from purists who will demand the Made In Germany varieties from Cherry. As for the aesthetic, Razer's always had a bit of an in-your-face approach, though it's not too crazy here. The font used for the front of the keys is sort of an odd, no-curves affair but it actually looks kind of cool in a Mass-Effect-y kind of way. All the keys are backlit with a sort of neon green that I'm honestly not insanely fond of, but they can thankfully be dimmed a bit. Would've preferred orange or blue, but I suppose there's the Chroma version of they keyboard you can buy now that'll do that (you're stuck with Green on this version, though). You can also use the Synapse software that drives the keyboard to set macros to any of the included Macro keys built into the left side of the keyboard, or somewhat awesomely change around the function of pretty much any other key on the keyboard to do something else. If you're one of those crazy people who likes to have a hotkey specifically to fire up Photoshop somewhere on your keyboard, you can do that. The actual construction of the thing, while entirely plastic, is still compact and dense feeling as opposed to squishy and cheap. The Stealth Edition has a matte black finish to it that thankfully doesn't seem as prone to wearing off as I feared. There are small but study feet that can be deployed on the bottom to elevate the back slightly, and you have a USB and headphone jack built into the side which is a nice touch. All in all, it feels like a keyboard that was built for gaming and built to last. If you're someone who is more interested in weapons-grade typing feedback and really wants that super loud KLAKK KLAKK KLAKK every time you press a key, then this keyboard won't do much for you. If you want a solid gaming keyboard that emphasizes functionality and helps reduce accidental or phantom keypresses and feels nice to use, you can't really go wrong here. And if you get the Stealth Edition, you won't drive your housemates insane. 2016 UPDATE EDIT: It still works, I still like it, and I'm still not deaf. HA.